This photo is from a special women’s brunch, entitled “Breath” where I got to sing. It was at the Shriner’s Auditorium in Wilmington. Once I heard the name of the event I remembered the germ of a song I had written called “Breath in”. I reserected it, finished it and immediately rehearsed it with my good friends Theresa, Jessica, Diana, and Melanie. We also sang another new song of mine called “I’m a Mess.” It was a faith building day as 300 women came to enjoy the message, the music and the tremendous breakfast casseroles!
A few weeks earlier, I had the honor of helping to lead the worship for 1000 some women at the Nevins Center in Framingham on March 21st!
After all these successes in recent days, God chose this event to humble me. I was slated to lead two songs: “Here I am To Worship” and “I Can Only Imagine.” I only ended up leading one- and the road to that decision and what followed were very challenging for me and my pride.
First of all, I was in Georgia when I got the call to take part in the service the following weekend. Of course I said, “Yes”- I love to do these things- it is emotional and powerful to lead large numbers of women in praise. I would practice when I got back.
“Here I am to Worship” I knew very well- Had even led it at the Marriage Retreat the week before with the band… “I Can Only Imagine” I had never led- but I had performed it once, at Ralph’s father’s funeral. It is a beautiful song about heaven.
I got home Friday night and then Saturday turned out to be all about Hannah and her big Talent Show- finally at 10pm Saturday night (I had to be in Framingham at 8 am the next morning!) I sat down to rehearse. I realized the phrasing was tricky- so I went to the live Mercy Me You Tube and learned it from them.
The next morning I double checked my phasing in the car on my way and arrived to the event. Unfortunately, when we were in sound check, the way I was phrasing it was not how the others knew it and we were not together. We didn’t have much time, so the woman who asked me to lead songs decided to lead it herself. I was embarrassed and heart broken, but I knew I needed to me humble and submit at that time.
It may not seem like much to you- but too much of my self worth is wrapped up in singing- and singing well- in being professional. When I feel I didn’t make the grade- my standard- I can be crushed. I don’t know where your security lies- but maybe you can relate.
It all reminds me that my security needs to be in God- not my talents. Shux- my song “Secure in Heart” is all about that! I should listen to my own lyrics!
Just to cap it off- I had a chance to talk and pray with the sister who took me off the song- and suggested that in the future she send out the version she wanted done in an mp3 or youtube link. But in the end- that wasn’t what mattered… I might have felt like I failed because I didn’t get to lead that one song- but really I did pass the test, a much harder one- dealing with a blow to my pride with humility. I can’t say I always do. Praise God, I am growing!!!